Saturday, March 31, 2012

In Memory of Paul::bracelet::

So lately I've been searching for a custom made bracelet for my cousin, Paul Rivera, who was killed in action in Afghanistan on October 22, 2011. Him and I had a very special bond. We were more like a brother and sister. I miss him tremendously but I know He is in very good hands. ;) He is our "Angel in the Sky."

I will write more about him on my blog a little later this week or next.

Here I leave you my birthday gift to me to always remember him more! :)

Miss you cousin...


If you would like to check out who made it for me here are a few links:

I found her on Etsy
and she is also on Facebook
and she also has a blog ;)

Thank you Desiree Castro from Mano y Metal! You ROCK ;)

Have a blessed Saturday!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Wordless Wednesday




On Wednesdays all over the internet, bloggers post a photograph with no words to explain it on their blog. Hence the ‘wordless’ title. The idea is that the photo itself says so much that it doesn’t need any description.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Maria

I am telling you what Cafemom was such a blessing to me back in 2008. If you would like to connect with other women {they have lots of Christian groups} I would recommend it to any friend of mine. I met Maria around May of 2008. We both miscarried around the same time as well. Maria and I hit it off great on Cafemom, exchanged #'s and became great friends. ;) We have yet to meet IRL {In Real Life} but we always tell each other "just one of these days!" I remember the days Maria and I would talk on the phone and just vent and cry to each other. We would share Bible verses and pray for each other. She was Heaven sent just as well as Amanda was. I remember her telling me she was pregnant again. Maria and her husband were blessed in March of 2010 with a beautiful baby boy, Baylen! To God be the Glory!

The Bible verse that always comes to mind is Hebrews 11:1--"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."

Maria,

Wow girl in May it will be 4 years since we met on Cafemom and have yet met each other IRL, but like we always say "just one day ;)!" I know it's been 4 years since you lost your angel as well and I want you to remember that not a day goes by that I don't think of you or your angel! The Lord brought this friendship to flourish and I am so blessed to have you in my life. Now that we both have our blessings that we prayed for I know we are both busy mommies but I still love ya! I know our angels are best friends in Heaven! ;) May the Lord bless you and your family!

Love ya,
Melanie

Monday, March 26, 2012

Amanda & Noah

In March of 2008 after I miscarried I found a website called Cafemom (a meeting place online for moms). Cafemom was a site where I was able to chat with other moms that had also endured a miscarriage, stillborn birth, etc... I connected to so many women especially on the Christian women groups. I met a few older women in a group called Stepping Stones and they were huge prayer warriors thru out my grieving process.

Amanda and I met on Cafemom in June of 2008 on a Christian Miscarriage group. I came to find out after we exchanged each others stories that we both went thru a miscarriage the same week. Mine was the 22nd of March and hers was the 26th. I named my angel Nehemiah and she named hers Noah. God knew that He would help each other in our grieving process even if it was online. We have so much in common it's just all from God! :) Amanda and I have became very close over the past 4 years. We actually have met IRL (In Real Life) for Elanie's Baby Shower back in 2010. Her and her family came for a weekend and spent it with us! It was so awesome. ;)

Alot of Amanda's writings to me during the grieving process were many but here are 2 that really helped me:

"about God and his love for me"
"The Lord led me here to have a friend in you."

 Amanda,

I know the heartache that still lingers in our hearts but of course we both know our angels are flying high in Heaven with our Savior. What better way than to live here on earth?! Just makes Heaven even better and brighter... I can't wait to reunite in Heaven with our angels. I hope that you feel comfort and peace knowing that our angels are in no pain. I know Noah & Nehemiah are the bestest friends just like you and I and they are both telling each other "look at your mommy and my mommy, they are best friends like you and I" (awwww) Well bestie you know I am here for you even though we are miles away but with our texts and "long" emails we can get thru ANYTHING with His help from above! Look were we are now.... Only with His guiding hand...

Love you,
Melanie

If you would like to follow Amanda's blog go here ;)

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Nehemiah

In January of 2008 my hubby and I found out we were expecting after several years of trying and a few infertility tests and medications.

In Feb of 2008 I went in for my first appointment at 7 weeks with my midwife and I was able to hear and see my precious baby on the ultrasound. My midwife said everything looked well and that she would see me back at 12 weeks. I started having a little morning sickness between 7 and 8 weeks but after my 8th week the morning sickness faded away. I didn't think anything of it since it was my first pregnancy.

On March 22nd I followed up with my midwife for my 12th week appointment. I didn't know what the midwife going to do that day so I took my camera since my hubby wasn't able to go. She stated she was just going to listen to the heartbeat with the Doppler. I then asked her if I could record it for my hubby and she was fine with it. As she started I was so excited to hear my precious little one. I held the camera and in a very low tone she said "please turn off your camera." My heart started to beat so fast. She said she couldn't hear the baby's heartbeat. She hooked up her ultrasound machine and sure enough my baby laid on the bottom of my uterus like a cotton ball. She said "I am sorry but the baby has passed away." I didn't know what to think. How was I going to tell my husband that our baby we have been waiting for and praying for has died? She called the Dr on call to confirm the death of my baby.

I laid there and didn't even watch the Dr on call look. My midwife and the Dr on call walked out of the room and I just laid there and cried. I felt a whisper from the Lord and it was "It is well with my soul." I then knew I was going to be okay with the help of the Lord. I sat up and started dialing my hubby's # and of course no answer. I then called the Commander's wife, Merry, who had also experienced a miscarriage early on. She picked up and I explained to her what happened and if she could get a hold of her husband so he could tell my husband to meet me at the hospital. She was so sweet and did exactly that while on the other line my hubby was calling in. I told him that the baby had no heartbeat and his response till this day still hurts. He just said "what, how, why" if only I had the answers for him.

I then got dressed and then was told to wait in another room while we waited for my hubby to arrive. I remember the room was full of newborn baby pictures all over one wall. I thought to myself "how dare they put someone who is going thru this in that type of room." He met me at the hospital and the Dr on call sat with us and gave me 3 options. I sat there and looked at her with no words. Option 1 was to have a D&C, Option 2 was to take a medication to dispose of the fetus, and Option 3 was to miscarry on my own. Option 1 I declined because I had heard in the past that any type of surgery on the uterus is not good especially women with infertility problems. Option 2 was a "let me think about it" and Option 3 was a no go because my baby had passed away around my 8th week mark. {tears} I went ahead with the medication.

All thru out this the comfort and peace of God was with us. I had grandma and cousins from Minnesota coming to see us because that was the exact weekend of Easter and they were driving in that exact day. My hubby then called my mom and sure enough she was on her way with my grandma and aunt. After getting my medications I was sent home and to call or go to the ER for anything after.

I remember walking upstairs to our bedroom and looking at the two ultrasound pictures we were blessed with at my first Dr appointment and that I had placed on our picture board above our bed. Hubby was right behind me and he took them down and placed them in a drawer and we sat on our bed and cried together. I remember just wanting to talk to someone that had gone thru a miscarriage. I called everyone I knew that I had told I was pregnant. Especially my Pastors in New York. I remembered that one of my pastors wives, Meredith, had gone thru a few miscarriages. She is the one I yearned to speak to. I spoke to her for about an hour and her sweet encouraging words is what I needed.

My family from Minnesota arrived and we cried and talked and my cousin and I spoke about her miscarriage. As much as I felt alone in my life I actually wasn't!

It was time for me to start the medication. As I read the side effects I was so scared to take it. I remember calling Margie (my spiritual mommy) and letting her know what happened and that I was scared to take this medication. She was very positive for me and read scripture to me. I felt some peace and went ahead and started the medication around 10 p.m.

My family was sleeping and all I could do was toss and turn in bed. Hubby was sleeping hard since he was a Drill Sgt and worked all day. I remember shaking and being cold and alone. I got up and went downstairs and called my mom who was on her way to Missouri to be with me. The meds had still not kicked in. It said it could take a few hours to start the process of disposing (this is really hard).

I remember my mom, aunt, and grandma arriving around 4:30 a.m. and I had such a sense of peace that I knew I could go thru it with the Lord and with my family. I did not know what I would go thru with this medication. I started having pains in my lower back and abdominal cramping around 5 a.m.

Soon after I had disposed our angel and after that I don't remember much. I remember waking my mom up and telling her that I did not feel good. I felt like I was going to black out. She stayed with me in the bathroom and fanned my face. All the sudden I felt a slap on my face from my loving Aunt Evelyn. I woke up really fast with my head underneath the sink, legs sticking straight out and my bottom sitting on the toilet. I remember EMT's coming to my rescue and they stated I may be hemorrhaging. They hooked me up to an IV and other things. Took me to the ER and there I was entering the operating room for a D&C. Kinda wished then I should of told the Dr just to do the D&C in the first place. 

I was put to sleep and when I woke up everything was all done and now it was time to go home, enjoy Easter somewhat with my family, and start the grieving process.

How I miss you my sweet Nehemiah (we don't know the sex of our angel but my sweet cousin Kike told me one day to name him/her and since then I fell so much peace. Thank you Kike!)... I can't wait till I meet you in Heaven one day ;) Love you sweet one! xoxoxoxo
Thank you Amanda Hoyt for making this sweet collage for us today. Your are one amazing light who shows the love of Christ. We love you!

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO WENT THRU THIS SEASON IN MY LIFE!

Love, Melanie

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Who am I...

Let me describe who I am... My name is Melanie, I am a Christian, I am married to my hubby of almost 10 years in August, he serves in the U.S. Army and will be retiring in less than a year, we have 2 sons {my step-sons}, 1 baby in Heaven {Baby Loss Mom}, and a precious Rainbow daughter, I am a stay-at-home mom, make handmade crochet items and other boutique items, persuing my certificate program in Medical Transcriptionist, daughter to a wonderful and loving mother, sister to an awesome and encouraging sister, niece to wonderful aunts and uncles, cousin to many cousins {especially 2 in Heaven}, and much more...

The title for my blog explains exactly the reason for this blog. We all go thru seasons in life, whether it be a loss in the family, a trial in life, and just life. The verse in the Bible that reminds me of my blog title is:

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

--from www.biblegateway.com--

and "It Is Well With My Soul" is what was whispered to my heart the day I lost my ~i~Nehemiah~i~ angel baby.

Stay tuned ;)

Testing...

Just testing what feels like my 10th blog that I PROMISE to keep up to date!

In Memory of my cousin, Paul

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::In Memory of Nehemiah::

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