I just finished watching the movie "October Baby" and without giving anyone any teasers about it I just can't help write out my thoughts since it's all fresh in my mind. As I sit here with tears rolling down my face all I can think of is my Daddy, my sweet Nehemiah, and my cousin Paul.
How much I miss them. How much my Daddy meant so much to me even if I only knew him for 14 years of my life. I looked up to my Daddy. I was his baby girl. As I sit here and listen to Elanie talking and playing with her Daddy I still wish I could just sit and talk to my Daddy. I wonder how life would be with him still here. Would he of been a changed person or would he of still been the person he was. It doesn't matter though because to me he is and was still my Daddy.
My sweet Nehemiah who lived in my womb for a short 8-12 weeks. Oh how I loved my little baby who I saw moving around with a beating heart. How could life be so short? I am still blessed to be able to say I have a son or a daughter in Heaven that I will meet some day. The night that I finished my banner for the CarlyMarie event that will happen on October 15th, I swaddled Elanie as she was fighting to go to sleep, I wept as she sang "Jesus Loves Me," I wept because all I could think of that night was that I will never have the chance to put my sweet Nehemiah to sleep.
My cousin Paul, oh how I miss you cuz! Today marks 11 months since you entered Heaven. Your in such an awesome place, yet I sit here with a heavy heart that only the Lord knows why. I just want another ;) on Yahoo Messenger. I am wearing your yellow smiley face shirt that your Mommy mailed me as a surprise. Right now it has stains of tears and makeup from crying so much from the movie.
As I go to sleep tonight I just want to be in the arms of my Heavenly Father. I haven't cried in awhile and I knew a day would come where I could just let it all out.
If you haven't forgiven someone, if you feel rejected, if you feel that no one is there for you and your all alone, if you feel weak in your faith, go to the Lord and ask Him to heal your pain, help you forgive, and rest assured your life will start to turn and you will know it's from Him above.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
Goodnight family & friends!